I don’t often comment on Bones. It’s a show that I catch up on when I have time, and I wouldn’t really consider myself a “fan” of anything beyond season 4. That being said, I do like being a total asshole and mocking the more extreme elements of Bones fandom. (“Katheryn Winnick is ugly!” “Hart Hanson is an arrogant douche!” “My spouse hates this storyline too; therefore, EVERYONE DOES!!!”)

But I’m going to try to be nice and refrain from that today. (I probably won’t succeed.) I’m actually going to write about the show itself, specifically, the events in this week’s episode, “The Daredevil in the Mold.”

Alright, everyone take a deep breath and breathe a sigh of relief.

HANNAH’S GONE.

…and there was much rejoicing in the streets!

Now, I never really hated Hannah. In fact, she was a much more believable obstacle to the Brennan/Booth pairing than “I need to re-evaluate our partnership so I’m going to run off to Maluku for a year.” *EPIC HANDHOLD OF AWESOMENESS*

EPIC HANDHOLD OF AWESOMENESS

OMG! They're totally holding hands! It's like, the most romantic thing ever!

But I never really warmed up to her character either, and I think that the writers missed an opportunity to satirize the media with her. In any case, I’m glad to see her go, but I won’t throw a shit fit if she ever comes back. (Or maybe I will because Hart Hanson would be personally insulting me if he brought back Hannah. It’s like when he called me a “Kentucky whore” last week.)

So where does the show go from here? I guess Angela will recruit Hodgins, Cam, Sweets, and the squints to plan a giant romantic date for Booth and Brennan. Afterwards, they’ll have sex, and Brennan will be all like, “Oh my God, when you stick your cock in me, I feel like we’re breaking the laws of physics. I love you Booth, for 30 or 40 or 50 years, because now I can change. I know how! I know how!” (See what I did there? Har har har.)

Bad fanfic mockery aside, I don’t actually know what’s going to happen. In any case, getting Booth and Brennan together won’t solve the show’s biggest problem.

The cases are kind of bad.

In fact, they haven’t been good since season 5. There are so few twists and turns and complications in the cases now. I no longer feel for the victims or their families. All the crime-solving has taken a backseat to the main characters’ personal lives. Lately, Booth and Brennan barely even work together anymore. Booth has been spending a lot of time with Sweets recently. (I bet that slash fanfic writers are having a field day.)

So if the real problem is the cases, why not fix those first? Write twistier cases, and let Booth and Brennan work together on them. Then concentrate on actually getting Booth and Brennan together as a romantic couple. I question whether the coupling would even have a big effect on the show. Most of season 4 and the front half of season 5 wouldn’t have played out much differently if Booth and Brennan had been a couple. So, if it wouldn’t make much of a difference, why not just go ahead and do it? If nothing else, it would shut up the insane shippers who clog up message boards with cries to torch Hart Hanson’s car. (Irrationally Angry Fan says: “i bet HH is too stupid to even drive a car because his love interest storyline is stupid *5000 angry face emoticons*”.)

If I had to wager a guess, Booth and Brennan will become a couple either at the end of this season or midway through the next one. But does it really matter? If the cases don’t get any better, probably not. At any rate, only the most fervent fans will care. The rest of us will say, “Oh, that’s nice,” and move on.

By the way, I guess I wasn’t able to resist mocking insane Bones fans. Sorry about that.

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