Merve: Dear readers, welcome to the new Community review format.

Community: Hey! Wait! What the hell? Why are you writing your review like a script?

Merve: I’m being “meta.” See how clever I am?

Community: Um…

Merve: So, what’s up with you this week?

Community: Well, I’m not nearly as pretentious as I was last time I was on the air, so that’s a relief for you, I guess. I mean, it’s not my fault you’re too much of a philistine to understand my brilliant, deep character development and my satirical examination of popular culture.

Merve: What else?

Community: I’m not very funny this week. You can see most of my punchlines coming from a mile away. Also, everyone’s acting like a dick.

Jeff: Yeah, I was a real dick this week. I stuck my nose into Pierce’s “love life” for all the wrong reasons.

Pierce: And I got some sweet Asian nookie.

Britta: That’s gross.

Pierce: What do you mean that’s gross? What about Troy making up that story about his uncle sticking a finger up his ass.

Britta: Yuck! I can’t believe I kissed him.

Merve: Shippers rejoice!

Community: I love making fun of shippers. Sometimes I even twist my characters to offer them little ironic shipper nuggets.

Merve: Wait. You mean that your Britta/Troy story had no point other than simultaneously placating and mocking Britta/Troy shippers?

Community: Shhh…

Troy: Fuck. That kiss was weird. You use too much tongue, Britta.

Britta: I didn’t even use my tongue, dipshit.

Abed: What about my story?

Merve: We’ll get to it.

Pierce: Let’s get back to me having sex with that Asian broad.

Shirley: Let’s not.

Community: Yeah, Shirley. Stop being a judgmental bitch.

Merve: Hey, you can’t talk to one of your characters like that.

Community: Sure I can. Critics love me. I can do whatever the fuck I want.

Dean Pelton: Can we all just stop bickering, please? I’ve got a community college to run, even though we can’t afford to offer any interesting classes. But for some weird reason, we have enough money for wine tasting. Clearly, our college has got its priorities straight.

Professor Garrity: And we also offer drama! Sadly, I’m not Professor Professorson anymore.

Abed: What about my storyline?

Merve: We’ll get to it.

Jeff: Remember how I was a dick to Pierce? I made it up to him by setting him up on a date with the hot Asian. But in defense of my prior actions, I thought we were still dealing with season 2 Pierce, the one who deserves to be treated like shit. I wasn’t aware that season 1 Pierce had made a comeback just for this episode.

Annie: Thus ending this episode with a valuable lesson!

Britta: And I apologized for kissing Troy.

Troy: And I harnessed the “pain of not feeling enough pain” or some bullshit like that.

Abed: What about my story?

Merve: Shut up, Abed. Your story was a steaming pile of shit. It didn’t even make any sense.

Abed: Cool. Cool cool cool.

Community: Don’t you get it? Abed’s storyline was supposed to suck. It’s a meta-commentary on Who’s the Boss?

Merve: Well, I think that about wraps it up for this week. Arbitrary character rewrites, bad jokes, and predictable plotting. By meta standards, I guess that makes this episode a rousing success!

Community: Damn right! We’re streets ahead of every other sitcom on television!