Disclaimer: Possibly kinda triggering. I dunno. Use your judgment.

Nearly two months have passed, and GamerGate still rages on. Part of why this situation hasn’t yet ended is that different parties seem not only to be talking about different issues, but also speaking in entirely different languages. In an effort to clear things up, I’ve decided to explain GamerGate with a common language that everyone can understand: food!

Part 1: Peppers
Restaurant Patron #1: I really like red pepper.
Restaurant Patron #2: You like red pepper flakes? What kind of sick fuck are you?
RP1: No, I meant red *bell* peppers. I like red bell peppers.
RP2: Spicy food is a menace to our society. Your support of crushed cayenne pepper makes this restaurant unsafe.
RP1: I said I like red *bell* peppers. Capsicum. Are you even listening?
RP2: Supporting any kind of red pepper means you support spicy food.
RP1: I don’t even *like* spicy food. I mean, I think it’s dangerous too. But I still like red peppers!
RP2: You are a piece of human garbage, and you are no longer welcome in this restaurant. I’ve also taken the liberty of calling your employer and telling her that you shove habanero peppers down children’s throats.

Part 2: Apples
Fruit Eater #1: It’s disappointing that the only type of apple that’s readily available is Red Delicious. This lack of variety may influence young male fruit eaters’ preferences and perpetuates a system where only Red Delicious apples are cultivated and consumed. I think that we should work towards making other varieties – like Royal Gala, Granny Smith, Fuji, and McIntosh – more readily available. It can only improve our fruit eating culture.
Fruit Eater #2: What do you have against Red Delicious? You’re oppressing me and my apple preferences.
FE1: I just want more types of apple, that’s all!
FE2: Do you actually like apples? Have you ever even tried eating fruit before?
FE1: Yeah, I’ve been eating apples since I had teeth. What’s your problem?
FE2: Attention everyone: Fruit Eater #1 is a fake fruit eater. She’s trying to take away our apples and replace them with shitty third-wave pears. Don’t listen to her or her pear-growing friends!
FE1: This is ridiculous. I’ve never even seen a pear tree.
FE2: Fuck you, bitch. You’re just talking about apples for attention. Go back to your pear orchard, slut.
FE1: My orchard grows apples, you idiot.
FE2: Attention everyone: Fruit Eater #1’s orchard is at 55 Internet Road. Join me there to shove a Red Delicious core in her disgusting cunt.

Tasty! Well, I hope I’ve satisfied your appetite for understanding GamerGate, or at least given you something to chew on.

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